Losing Friends When You Become A Mom
By Jennifer O'Shea
Never in my life did I think this would happen. When I found out I was pregnant, I had been living a life of bartending, partying, never being home, being available for my friends all the time, and working crazy hours. When I met my husband and then soon after became pregnant, my friends had not been used to me as this new person of being in a relationship and now becoming a mom. They couldn’t understand and I also believed they didn’t want to understand.
During pregnancy there were times when I wondered if when my child was born, maybe I would get my friends back. I wondered if other moms to be were going through this same experience as I was. Weren’t they supposed to be happy for you? Weren’t things supposed to be all smiles and belly rubs? Instead it was just me.
It took a while, at least two years after my daughter was born, to finally be okay with the transition that happened in my life. I really was able to get over the loss of my close friends when I had moved away and made friends with new ladies who had children already. You never in your life think that you will lose your close friends when something wonderful is happening in your life. But at the same time, I finally was able to accept it.
How did I accept it? You know I tried my hardest to set up times to hang out and see them, but it was not enough since our lifestyles had changed. I accepted it because I had found other people I could call my friends. They never replace all the fun memories that I had, but I had to move forward. Letting certain things go like not being invited to events and having to be the first person to text or call them, helped me in the healing process, but let me tell you, it was rough.
Letting things go and then not being angry about them were a very different process. I was angry for quite some time. But like all things, I let it go. Stay angry at these people I used to call friends or just continue on with life, see them when I could and keep it moving? I took the higher road. I can tell you to this day that only one or two still reach out to me and make it to the times I arrange for us to do something when visiting home.
Moving across the country saved me and my version of friendship. I learned so much from moving away from my old life. Having a new husband, a new daughter, losing my old friends, and having to make new ones, forced me to become a better person and focus on things that mattered. It was a really strange process but I think the timing was perfect for me to move. Being a military wife, we just are pushed wherever and have to make do. This process helped me become a stronger person.
Unfortunately, I feel as if I might not be alone in this situation and there are other moms out there who have lost good friends just because of these life changes. I want moms like me to know that the grass is greener on the other side and that it is important to be the bigger person. Join a mom group, reach out to old friends and keep on moving forward.
Jennifer is a freelance writer, military wife, motherhood + lifestyles blogger, a mom to a nutty 3-year-old, and a National Board Certified Teacher. She lives in Washington State and is a born + raised New Yorker. In her spare time, she loves traveling, yoga, fitness and everything organic. Her blog is Teach.Workout.Love and Instagram.