"Sucky" Friends: What To Do About Them

By Jennifer O'Shea

Can we talk about how as you get older, the worse your longtime friends get? Maybe it’s just me, but I have really noticed that in the past 10 years of life, changing from college years to having children and getting married, my longtime friends have really turned sucky. Sucky is the perfect word to describe how people who you have been friends with a long time have changed into someone you really aren’t sure if having met them on the street today, would have been someone you wanted to be friends with. 

All your life you are looking to make friends that you can rely on and trust forever. When you find the perfect friend, the best friend, it is kind of like finding your husband or wife. You want to spend the rest of your life with them. But with a friend you know that you won’t be together always, but you know that they are always there for you no matter what. You can call them and they will come over, or they need you and you are there to talk, and vice versa. Right? 

Trying to hold onto those friends seems to get harder and harder the older you get. Why does this happen? Well, not everyone grows in the same direction in life at the same time, and sometimes resentment happens or just purely not being able to relate. That really shouldn’t change too much though you would think. But in more cases than not, it happens. When you and your friend are in different places in your life, the friendship seems to run in opposite directions. 

For example, having a boyfriend and being single. This makes friends run in the opposite direction because one friend is out partying and the other is home watching a movie with the boyfriend. Many times, friends choose men over their friends and end up not being able to balance the both of them. Most times, the friendship can be rekindled if the other person ends up getting a boyfriend too or they both end up single again.

Then you move onto the next stage of sucky friends, which is when getting a little older, friends start getting married while others are not. To top it off children might get added into the mix too. Sometimes when this happens, groups of friends might split apart completely and then never come back together after that. Having children and a marriage make it difficult to relate to if you are still single and not ready for children. 

In a perfect world, we would love to believe what I just wrote is fiction, but it’s not. Hopefully people are learning from their differences and understanding that even though things have changed and people are different, they can still stay friends. Isn’t that we taught our children in school, no matter if someone is different from you, you can still be their friend? Not sure how that has changed over time, shouldn’t we have grown more apt to change in our older years and not the opposite?

If this has happened to you or does happen to you, know that there are other people out there who need friends just like you, too. And remember, don’t be that sucky friend. 

 

Jennifer is a freelance writer, military wife, motherhood + lifestyles blogger, a mom to a nutty 3-year-old, and a National Board Certified Teacher. She lives in Washington State and is a born + raised New Yorker. In her spare time, she loves traveling, yoga, fitness and everything organic. Her blog is Teach.Workout.Love and Instagram.