Poetry By Daniella Deutsch

Poetry By Daniella Deutsch

By Daniella Deutsch

to paint new a girl
it painted me over
and it was slow battle
and it so began
a year ago
12 months of chaos
12 months of courage
a year ago it began
the deterioration
the explanations
the falling
hysterics
we let our hearts cave in and out
we made our minds travel up and down
you punctured the sleeve
of my trusting cloth
and i crumpled up
and closed my mind
i shut out the screams
and held up my hand
to any loving source
any fountain of blissful hands
i changed my instincts
and splintered my thoughts
i ran away from the girl i knew
as paint poured over my head
black and white paint
grey and charcoal paint
soaking me heavily
seeping me to the ground
and gasping for air i took my last breath
i held it in tight
and i never exhaled
i saw myself turn a different language
i felt my cheeks change another color
i held my words at the tip of my dry tongue
i knelt beside my sorrows
and watched them dive in and out of the sky towards my screeching mind
the black paint left a bitter taste in my teeth and my gums
the white paint opened my eyes wider than an owl
the grey paint muffled my voice
the charcoal paint smelled like hell
it pulled me under
under surfaces all around
behind closed doors
i scratched at the locks
trapped in chests
i banged on the wood
held at gunpoint
the pistol was you
i cried in my dreams
i heaved in my days
scraping the paint that pigmented my olive skin
it dripped from my eyes
tears of chemicals
tears of poison
tears of rewriting a girl
tears of shading over her youth
tears of dreaming of renewal
renewing her body
renewing her words
i dreamt of renewing my world
i dreamt of finding cool water
and stepping in naked
sliding in with my delicate body
pure and free
and washing the black
the white
the grey
the charcoal
feeling the poison slip off my skin
the caked paint softening
as i wave goodbye
as i sob goodbye
as i turn my back on the murky lake
and rise out of the waves
clean
and
new
and with
and without
and me
again me
me for me
for the world to see
for eyes to turn
once again
to breathe
to exhale the dust that had almost settled in my lungs
and to paint a woman
in colors
to soak her back in brightness
and in love
to pour blood red on her cheeks
to streak baby blue on her back
to splatter lavender on her toes
to cover her in green
green like the earth
like where she came from
like who she was
and who she is again


a clean woman
God can’t see your tears if you’re crying in the shower
God says that’s cheating
Take it out into the streets
I say
I don’t believe in god
As I wipe the salt from my nose and dry myself off with my hot pink towel

 


Daniella Deutsch is a 23 year old originally from Los Angeles, California. In 2017, she graduated from Skidmore College with a degree in Psychology and Theater. Daniella has been on stage since she was 5 years old and acted all the way throughout her college career. Her additional passion for Clinical Psychology has led her to hopefully return to school for a Masters in Drama Therapy. Until then, she has landed in Brooklyn, NY and is a proud preschool teacher in Manhattan.

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